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I have come to a conclusion that I care very much how others feel and react to certain things… but at the same time i dont… about anyone or anything.. its like… i do.. until i get to a certain point.. and once i get there.. nothing matters.. not how i feel not how others feel.. its just whatever. the idea of control does spark my fancy yes but in a very one sided way.. so technically im just really selfish and i dont really care. i do admit that i like to do things my way and when they dont work out my way i usually find a way no matter what but sometimes it doesnt work like that. but i want what i cant seem to get… i dont know why.. maybe im just looking in all the wrong places.

friday

friday is guna be fun
someone told kenny he was cakebakin.. thats silly

it snowed today, we got maybe an inch or so. not soo much. and i went to sleep for a long time… 10pm-10am.. woo.. too long i’d say. tomorrows goal is to study. lets see how that works out.. today was a fairly boring day, but i survived it with no scratches.

109

thank you so much you know? i understand what your saying but wow… theres a better way of saying that. u know? but its alright it was already expected… its kinda funny.. Andy was right.. Andy you are soooo right I should listen to you more you know. but I don’t completely agree with everything you say.. not always Andy.. not always.. but this time you were right… and I can say I listened in a way.. i heard what you said… thought about it.. didn’t actually put it into action sorta.. kinda.. whatever I duno. Thank you Andy thank you very much.. Im really in the mood to talk to someone right now.. but I cant.. why? because my stupid phone charger is in norhtern virginia! ugh! the insanity.. I cant stand not being able to use it .. its maddness… I wish I remeber what he said.. he explained something to me.. it made soo much sense at the time.. but I cant rememebr what it was.. it had to do with me..

dont get in a relationship he says… just have fun he says.. your not ready for that yet..

someone else… an online guy. he wants me to meet him so he can introduce me to his friend… a girl… 19 years old.. she apparently wants to play with me or whatever… i get to meet her on one condition.. that i have sex with her in front of him! he said he doesnt have to join in.. he said watching is just fine.. he really wants me and her to get along.. but he said not to steal her away from him.. see.. he likes her too but i dont think they are together.. they are just “buddies” anyways.. he just wants to watch me and her go at it.. whatcha think about that?

freud was an amazing man… i can see why all those people believed him based on all the crap they didn’t know… but what on earth could have made him come up with that crap? he was brainwashed or something.. but then again… men are just weird in general anyways :-p maybe he just knew a lot of masochists.. who knows

tests suck… i love women ….. however I cannot love… never.. cant do it. . . i want a relationship… but i dont need one… single since november.. keep up the good work…

unwanted…. underappreciated … unloved… condemned.. ……..evil (no..) … criminal..ouch

the stars on my page (like everything else!) is starting to reallly irritate me.. too flashy… i might take them off

108

last night i spent hours upon hours conversating with a very very wonderful person. He saved me. I thank him.very much. I hope to someday return the thanks for what hes done for me.. No one understands me but thats just how it is sometimes… I have tennis in about 12 minutes. I actually like my other class. psychology of women… although its kinda depressing